The Three Wizened Men Read online

The Three Wizened Men

  Copyright Lindsay Johannsen 2014

  Thank you.

  National Library Of Australia Cataloguing-in-publication data:

  Author: Johannsen, Lindsay Andrew

  Title: The Three Wizened Men

  Cover art and design by the author.

  "The Cassidy Chronicles", plus a smattering of short story rubbish and a poem.

  To order the McCullock’s Gold paperback version or contact the author please visit

  www.vividpublishing.com.au/lajohannsen

  And so, with no further ado, we present – at great expense and embarrassment to the management…

  THE STORY OF THE THREE WIZENED MEN

  There were once Three Wizened Men. Yea, and liveth they mostly in the wilderness, and keepeth they mostly unto themselves, for expediteth they goods and merchandises from place to place without due reference to a Tax Collector.

  And it came to pass while sleepeth they one night, that an Angel of The Lord descendeth from Heaven. And the Angel went forth unto that place where sleepeth the three, and bloweth there the Angel his trumpet – Yea, gusto fortissimo forte and close by their ears. And commandeth then the Angel unto them, saying, “Wake up you parasites. Get’th thee up from off of thy bronzes and griddeth thee thy lions, for there is much to be done and time is of the essence.”

  And sorely troubled were the Three Wizened Men when regaineth they their wits, and burroweth they deep beneath their blankets and packsaddles. And whispereth they there amongst themselves saying one to another, “What can he want?” And: “Eh? My ears ringeth verily and I heareth not.” And: “…What did you say?” …for thinkest they that Customs and Excise enlisteth even the Angels unto their cause.

  And shouteth the three then unto the Angel, “Dimmeth thee thy Heavenly Radiance we beseech thee oh Mighty One, for it's a fair cop and we are anxious to settle up. Yet our eyes see'th not, nor can we findeth our wallets.”

  And the Angel answereth unto them, saying, “Heedeth the Tax Collectors not, but listen unto me, for I bringeth unto you tidings of great joy, and to all Mankind.”

  But the Three Wizened Men heareth not the angel nor his words, and neither did they listen, for they were sorely afraid. And gritteth they their teeth, and leapeth they up forthwith and saddleth they their donkeys. And gathereth up they their goods and their merchandises and fleeeth they then into the night. Yea, and in great haste.

  And the Angel hasteneth also; and remaineth he with them. And flitteth he about them even as they fleeeth, saying, “You must listen unto me, for I ...” when unto a thornbush collideth the Angel, for verily, the night was dark as.

  And the Angel drew nigh unto the Three Wizened Men once more. And explaineth he then unto them saying, ”Verily descendeth the multitudes upon the merchants of the land, and the hawkers and stall keepers, and sorely depleted are their stocks; Yea, of Frankincest, and Mhyhrrh, and of Oil of Olay.

  “Wiseth thee up then, and get thee pronto unto a merchant someplace before the buggers are all sold out. And acquireth there then each of these things, for it is incumbent upon you to bequeath such gifts unto a child newborn in a manger – Yea, and this very night.”

  And waileth and lamenteth the Three Wizened Men as they fleeeth’d. And cryeth out they unto the Angel, saying: “But where oh where findeth we such things at this hour, Your Luminosity, for the night is late and we are but babes in the wood.”

  And the Angel berateth them, saying, “Don’t gimme none of your legal jargon, Sunshine. Well knowest thou the ways of the back alley merchants. And verily I say unto you, that cometh this not to pass, then much wailing and gnashing of teeth will be heard in the land … and mostly thine.”

  And the Angel departeth then from the Three Wizened Men in a fiery flash. And upon seeing this becometh they even more troubleder, and urgeth they their donkeys even to greater effort.

  Now it came to pass that no moon was there to guide the three that night, yet hasteneth they their mounts toward a bright star in the east, and one which seeeth they before not. And Lo, after a time cometh the Three Wizened Men to a town. And stoppeth they there in a roadside rest area, and spelleth they there their mounts.

  And seeeth they then across the road from the rest area, Isaac Lehem’s Wayside Inn and Novelty Shop – and, verily, still open for business. And speaketh the three then amongst themselves saying, “Might we not acquireth in this place the aforementioned items? …for is not Isaac an helpful fellow and known even unto the authorities?”

  But the Angel knoweth also of these things, and visiteth he this place a short time beforehand. And bloweth he at that earlier time his trumpet, and beateth he on the door. And shouteth he up unto the attic window of Isaac Lehem’s Wayside Inn and Novelty Shop: “Open up Isaac you Shylock, for unto thee this very night will come forth Three Wizened Men.

  “All wailing and lamenting they will be, and Yea, troubled and in great haste. Provideth unto them the items they seek, for they are in dire need and their wallets are fat.”

  And the Angel departeth Isaac then in a fiery flash, following which Isaac did rubbeth his hands together in glee – Yea, and also his eyes and ears, for he was now half blind and his ears ringeth'd verily.

  And sayeth then Isaac unto his wife Beth, “Taketh away the price tags from our merchandises, dear Beth, that these three men may seeeth their unadorned quality.”

  And soon came forth the Three Wizened Men as the Angel had foretold. And asketh they Isaac also of the aforementioned items. And showeth Isaac these things unto them. And falleth the three on Isaac with great joy and relief, and purchaseth they then the items forthwith. And twice their earlier attached cost payeth’d they, after beateth they down Isaac from thrice that much.

  And Isaac taketh their money, and lamenteth he loudly and cryeth he out: “Why robbeth I myself like this. Why oh why oh why?”

  And heareth the four just then a newborn infant squalling. And sayeth the Three Wizened Men unto Isaac, “Oh Isaac, wherefore art this child that squalleth, for soundeth it nearby, yet it seemeth not from the inn.”

  And Isaac answereth unto them saying: “We are without vacancy and fair busting at the seams, yet lo, a young couple cometh forth whose names are Mary and Joseph. And verily seeketh they shelter, for she is heavy with child and her time is near. And my wife showeth pity unto them and directeth them out the back. And taketh she them unto our manger, for this is all we can offer.”

  And the Three Wizened Men spaketh among themselves with great urgency, saying: “Surely this is the child mentioned as per the Angel’s instructions and unto whom we must bring our gifts.” And goeth forth the three then with their lamps and their goodies to findeth the manger.

  But cometh they first upon an Angel, Yea, one who watcheth’d over the manger. And keepeth this Angel his Heavenly Radiance on "OFF", that it might not disturb The Holy Infant. And likewise his trumpet.

  And the Watch-Angel whispereth then from the shadows and sayeth unto The Three Wizened Men: “Knowest thou this: Within this lowly place lieth your Redeemer, The Son of God; Yea, and the Saviour of all mankind.”

  And great joy cometh unto the hearts of The Three Wizened Men. And speaketh they then unto the Angel, saying, “Let us enter the manger, we beseech thee, that we may presenteth our gifts as your associate has indicated, and to pay homage.”

  And raiseth then the Angel his Heavenly Radiance a few Watts in order to consult his clipboard. And readeth the Angel there the schedule, and enquireth the Angel unto the three, saying: “Art thou therefore The Three Wise Men from the East?”

  And falleth the three down and cryeth out they then, saying: “Alas Your Enlightenment; we are but Three Wizened Men from the wes
t. Yet bringeth we gifts for The Holy Infant as per your associate's instructions, and on behalf of all Mankind.”

  And it came to pass that just then arriveth at the manger Certain Others, who steppeth forth over the Three Wizened Men. And loudly proclaimeth then these others unto the Angel, “We are Three Wise Men From The East and we have travelled greatly and from far away. And followeth we a bright star, Yea, which we see'th in the heavens before not. And beareth we gifts for the Holy Infant.”

  And the Angel speaketh urgently unto the Three Wise Men, whispering, “Can’st keepeth it down? …for behold, the Son of God newborn doth lie here peaceful in sleep.” Then once more checketh the angel his clipboard schedule. And admitteth he then the three newcomers forthwith; Yea, even unto the manger.

  Then turneth once more the Angel unto the Three Wizened Men, and whispereth he unto them saying quietly: “The manger is small and will be crowded, and you are without an appointed place. Getteth thee up then and handeth me thy gifts, that I might bring them unto the infant Lord Jesus, for that is His Name.”

  And passeth the Three Wizened Men their gifts unto the Angel, and receiveth he them on behalf of the Christ Child. And the hearts of the three were filled with great happiness and rejoicing, and verily so. Yet singeth they not, nor lifteth up they their voices, on account of the sleeping infant.

  And whispereth The Angel then unto the Three Wizened Men, saying: “Three Wise Men thou art indeed, and even beyond the wisdom of Solomon!” (…for knoweth the Angel that their voices were like unto a brewer’s tomcat.)

  Then taketh up the Three Wizened Men their lamps. And departeth they then from the manger, and turneth they then towards the layby, where resteth their donkeys.

  And it came to pass that the Three Wizened Men went out from that place via the back lane, for this was the shortest way to the rest area. And Lo, where spilleth the dogs out the rubbish tins findeth they certain discarded price tags.

  And maketh this the three even wiser still, and verily so.

  Now Isaac was not born of that township. Cometh he from afar, and holdeth he no licence, for he was not of that place. And earlier it had come to pass that his wife was blest as Nominee for the inn, for she was of the town and this was the requirement.

  And the Nominee’s name was like unto that of the town, for the Nominee’s name was Beth.

  Yea: Beth Lehem.

  © L A Johannsen 2014